Too love myself

I looked in the mirror only to find….

A girl staring back at me, slightly crying.

Her hair was long and blonde, but makeup a mess, her eyes big and blue hard too miss.

Her bottom lip quivered as she remembered what the world had to say about the way she walked, talked, looked, dressed, everything!

“Be this way!” “Change this, change that!” It was so hard to keep up. She finally looked at herself and decided a change.

“I am beautiful, I am worth everything good.” She said as she wiped mascara off from under her eyes. “What the world can’t see is what is on the inside.”

“A beautiful mind, a heart of gold. I can tell you stories of which haven’t yet been told.”

She smiled sweetly at herself as she decided today she had made a change. No one could make her feel less of herself, she finally joined her own team.

Still learning.

Life not with you Is something I couldn’t face. Living without you has such distaste.

I should have walked away, No, I should have ran. But your love kept pulling me back in.

I love you now, Like I did then. Stupid me, for thinking that is enough. Man, this is going to be rough.

See learning to live, without you Is learning to die, slowly. You really make my soul Feel lonely.

Beautiful soul.

Cold blue eyes, solid black hair, Dancing in the wind like he didn’t have a care.

Passive ways, thoughtful mind, Knew what to say like a scripted line.

Playful grin, pearly whites, Heart of gold that knew no heights.

Soulful voice, tanned skin, Beautiful now, beautiful then.

No one can quite understand, Just how God had made this rare man.

I miss you like crazy, Your beautiful soul amazed me. ❤

Just live.

Thinking of taking your life? Listen first. Life isn’t fair. It’s a huge roller coaster. There are good days; then, there are bad days. Today, is just your bad day. You feel alone, deserted, unappreciated. You feel anxious, afraid. Your life has meaning. Your life has a purpose. It’s hard to see things clear when you’re mad, sad, even happy. We don’t see the bigger picture until we take a deep breathe and analyze our situation. Making hasty decisions result in automatic regret. Nevertheless, we do it. Are you running from a problem? Face it. It’s like ripping a bandaid off. Do you want it to hurt a little or a lot? Running from your problems cause your anxiety to heighten. Facing them, cause you to feel better (in the long run) also it’ll help your problem not to seem as strong. Are you in the moment? I don’t really like the phrase, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I mean have you tasted lemonade? Very tart. Instead, take anything and give it back when life gets rough! They say only the strong survive, but how is that true if you aren’t here? You are stronger than any problem you have faced/are facing, will face. Is there a bully at school? Even work? I have worked with some, I have went to school with some and watching them make others uncomfortable and feel bad about themselves is truly disgusting. Do not let those make you feel less a person! You are you for a reason and if they cannot handle it, let them work it out. I want you too know, I care, we care. As a whole, I feel America cares. People everywhere you look, want you to be here. To enjoy the beautiful scenery around you. Feel every emotion, let it engulf you then move on. Life goes on, but it won’t if you aren’t here. Truly, you never know how important you are to some; and you may never, that’s okay. Keep living if not for yourself, for them. You can do it, I know you can. You’ve come so far. There is someone who cares more than anyone else. I’m not going to shove it down your throat, but he is the reason you’re alive today and he loves you and wants you to be here. God is so loving and merciful. There were times I had thoughts of suicide, there is also a reason I am still here today. I’m not sure yet, I’m still trying to figure out. But God showed me no matter my purpose, I’m still here. Life is still rough, but he still leads and still watches out. If you’re not sure of your calling, please please please, make it right today. Your life, like mine, has a meaning. Let’s grow old, and find out what they are…together. 💖💖

For more help, head to halfofus.com

He made the decision.

Let’s have some real talk.

Liking someone who does not share the same feelings, absolutely is one of the worst. While it’s not the end of the world, it may seem like it at first (especially if you’re dramatic like me, haha). I realize though that things work out the way they do for unknown reasons.

We all have to make mistakes to learn and move on.

My biggest mistake was clinglyness. I always said I wasn’t going to be one of those girls. I don’t really need anyone, maybe the loneliness started to set in? I’m still not sure what happened; It happened so fast. I suppose my lesson for that, is to chill; slow down, take a deep breathe even if you’re excited. I painted a picture of myself as an excited little puppy, wagging it’s tail whenever the owner came home. Something a woman should never be.

My second mistake was listening to what others had to say. Toward the ending of whatever it was, I listened to what some friends had to say of what I should do. Which in turn made me look like a super clingy, demanding diva. In some scenerios I suppose that’s good. Relationship wise, it’s not. My lesson on that; your relationship to others is just that, yours. Reguardless if anyone else trust them or not, listening to your heart leads you better than what others say.

Being insecure is okay, but be wise about it. We all have those small little voices that tell us, “They’ll never like you cause you’re to fat, ugly, not good enough,” etc etc. Relax and think positive. How we see ourselves, are ultimately how others see us. If you’re confident, he will be. I had and still have way to many insecurities that stand in my way a lot. Especially about relationships. He would want to see me, I didn’t want to because I couldn’t get over the fact of being nervous and being insecure of how I looked. Looking back now, if I would have went more, perhaps things would be different. It’s hard to accept that you are worthy of someones love, but you are.

Texting is a much easier relationship than looking the person in the face. It makes you feel more confident because you can 100% be yourself. If this person is for you, it can still be that way. The nervousness I had lasted until I saw him. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, until he went into kiss me. 23 years, never been kissed, needless to say, I wanted to run as fast I could. Haha.

One of the biggest things, (with me, anyway) is a connection. When you feel a certain way for someone you haven’t felt before, it’s something you want to stay in. You want that person with you and you want to be with them. You genuinely want to make sure that person is okay. What they did that day. What interests them. How their life in general is going. You want nothing but the best for that person even if you’re not it. I wish him nothing but happiness. After all he made me feel something I thought I would never feel. I miss seeing him. I still miss talking to him. Sometimes I find myself still comparing guys I talk to, too him.

After everything happened, I apologized for all that I did. Honestly, he probably thought that I would have smothered him if we were to get into a relationship; even though I’m not like that. Relationships are 100 and 100. I don’t agree with what half the population of girls do, (such as tracking apps on phones, checking phones unless he wants me too, having to know where he is at ALL times).

Ladies, we should give our guys a little bit of room to breath. You had a life before them just as they had a life before you. Clingyness is not attractive on anyone. Trust me, I know it’s hard to not want to jump head first into it. Take a deep breath, and know that this guy doesn’t define you. Whether or not he likes you, does not say anything about YOU. Slow down a bit. Do the opposite of what I did, and be so slow, he thinks you’re not interested and chases you.

Find someone who loves you a little more than you love them.

Relationship responsibly.

Are you entitled?

Word of the day: Self Entitled
Definition: A state of mind in which an individual comes to believe that privileges are instead rights, and that they are to be expected as a matter of course.

We really want to ask why people are the way they are now? We can’t see how many things have changed?

I believe people have a right to do as they please, helloooo, America, right?! But there is a huge fine line to all this.

How many things, rules even have changed to fit lifestyles in just the past few years?

We all want what we want, yet we don’t want consequence. We feel very entitled.

We have lost our morals, principles, guidelines, self respect, respect for others. And why, do you ask? We feel VERY entitled.

We don’t want to work for things, we feel things should come to us. People should bend the rules to fit OUR lifestyles. Life should be one huge party all day and all night. I should be allowed to do what I want, BUT I’m not going to accept any of the consequences. Why?? Because I’m entitled!

I hope you sensed the sarcasm in this. I also hope you realize the only way to live life is not by being entitled, but by being a person who accepts responsibility for your actions, help those who in need, be someone who puts others first.

The only way our people can prosper and grow as a people, isn’t by entitlment, by integrity.

Our Rhythm

Have you ever listened to a song or perhaps read a quote, passage, etc, and it made you think??
As I was listening to, “Chained to the Rhythm” by Katy Perry, I thought of two points she makes in the song.

1. Nobody is alike. We’re all different, yet the media tries to come up with ways to make us all the same. Dress a certain way, think, act, even SPEAK a certain way. Why have we become so settled with the idea, “immitation is the sincerest form of flattery?” Let’s be ourselves!

Why can’t individuality be in style? You are you for a reason!

2. There is a world of which we haven’t broken into yet. Stop living in your own bubble and explore. Let’s help the neighbors. Let’s walk a day in someone elses shoes who have less than we do. Let’s go explore the world as a whole and not just the hole we live in.

Life is short. Do you want to be like everybody else? Or do you want to be your own kind of rhythm?

“Know yourself, Know your worth.”

As good ole Drake says,
“Know yourself, know your worth”

Do we actually know and live by those words?

I’ve wanted to do a blog on this subject for a while because it’s something, I, myself, have had and are suffering with it now.

Sometimes I forget about me, and while most would say that is a great trait to have, some would disagree. I’m on the fence. I’m usually a upbeat kind of person, so I feel it can be mostly a blessing than a curse.

The blessing is, being able to always make people happy. The curse is letting what others say bog you down; and it does.

Keeping yourself up-to-date with yourself, is a necessary factor in happiness. How can I be happy if I don’t know what makes me happy? Life is too short to be sad and depressed; let’s get happy!

It’s taken a while and several different events to prove to myself, I need to be my own cheer section. It’s something that has to start within. Some days are easier than others, but as you find yourself and stuff that make you happy, the better days will out number the bad.

The last step to finding the one true happiness is not just within yourself, but within God. God alone can make you feel better. Not saying my Christian life has been wonderful and glorious because I’ve had some of my own battles, but God has helped me through them all.

If you’re not sure of your calling, please make preparations today!

Thanks for reading.

xoxo

How firm is thy foundation?

When you build a house, what is the house built on? A foundation. Depending on the foundation, is how steady or unsteady the house will be. When we were all babies, we looked to our parents too give us what we needed. Love, care, attention THEY were and still are our foundation.

I realize what I’m about to say will step on toes. But I’ve been thinking a lot on this subject lately. God’s laid it on my heart for the past few days, even weeks. I’ve just been quiet about it.

I don’t understand people. I don’t understand their concepts of what they do. Your children look up to you. They look to YOU for advice, for a stable life, for something they can hold on too. That’s what they need. And especially teenagers.

We look around at teens and even younger and wonder what their problem is. If your parents don’t love you, and they leave you or worse, no wonder you don’t know what to do. We want to blame music, because it puts ideas in their minds, we want to blame social media, because phones have taken over their minds. We lash out at that because that’s easy.

What’s not easy is admitting that we are part of the problem and instead of trying to fix it we ignore it and hope it’ll go away.

As a teen, I remember I was very impressionable. Instead of focusing on God and improving myself, I was focusing on what others said and thought about me. This often gives bullies the power to manipulate minds and have others thinking they aren’t good enough, resulting in cutting, other attempts at hurting themselves or worse suicide.

The day we open our eyes to see that the kids who are (what we like to say, troubled) and they refer to themselves as, misunderstood, are the ones who just want love. They just want someone to say, “I’m proud of you,” “I love you,” “You’re doing a great job,” etc.

Instead of judging and hurting, start listening and helping.

Half sweet, half unsweet tea.

I’ve noticed a problem within myself; anytime something goes wrong in my life, I always second guess who Emily is.
I’ve been working on finding who I am. What I wanna do, etc etc. But the huge problem I have is not an outward thing, it’s not a respect myself thing, it’s… confidence in whatever I’m doing now is right. It’s the part most people lack because we see ourselves as not good enough.

Being upset with yourself when things go bad and second guessing what you’re doing wrong is like wanting the PERFECT half sweet half unsweet tea.

Sometimes you get to much sweet. When life is good, it’s really good. This is the time most people don’t pray or seek God out. You think, why would I?! Life is going smooth, I have no worries, no problems.

But then, sometimes you get too much unsweet, making the tea real bitter. God gives us the tribulations to make us realize how sweet life is. He gives us hard times to make us feel emotions. Wanting to feel good and happy all the time is like wanting to walk through the rain without getting wet; it doesn’t happen.

Allowing yourself too feel all emotions will help you cope better in life. Never stop believing in yourself and your ability to do what you know you should. Always trust that for whatever reason you’re going through something that might change you, help you, or mold you but never break you.

A good verse to remember is, Matthew 5:45
“.. for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust..”

So remember even on your unsweet days, God has a whole sweetner he’s adding too your cup. Stop second guessing yourself and also him. Learn from the event and move onto bigger things in your life. 🍵